Top ten indications that it just may be time to go on a diet

In recognition that the holidays are upon us and of the excesses that always accompany them, here is a list of the top ten reasons that it just may be time to go on a diet. This list is from a man’s viewpoint. Ladies feel free to adjust appropriately:

10. Your trouser pants have become Bermuda shorts, because your butt is taking up so much room.

9. The scale runs and hides every time you walk near.

8. The US Postal Service assigns your butt it’s own zip+4 code (oldie but goodie).

7. The sweat from your belly button could flood a whole town.

6. Your butt is so big that it begins to create its own weather systems.

5. What used to be your baggy briefs are now tiny thongs.

4. The Air Force calls and asks if they can build a C5A air strip on your butt.

3. The restaurant parking attendant asks your wife if she wants him to park her bus, and he’s talking about you.

2. The gravitational field of your butt starts to affect the orbit of the moon.

And finally (drum roll) …

1. The Grand Canyon is no longer the biggest crack in the country.